Thursday, February 25, 2010


Every Wedsneday night for the past month, a building on West Hastings St across from the refurbished Woodwards Building has played host to a wonderful series.The W2 Real Vancouver Writers Series,which was organised by Sean Cranbury and others has showcased writers, publishers and creative literary artists.

I had the pleasure and privilege of attending all four nights and as a result have been exposed to some phenominal work. Each night showcased local writers doing short readings of their work, book sales, signings, a multi-media component, music, cash bar and a weekly raffle. Last night was the final night in the series which featured luminaries such as writer and journalist Leilah Nadir, poet Weldon Gardner Hunter, artist Michael Nicoll Yahgulanaas, writer Timothy Taylor and Vancouver Poet Laureate Brad Cran. Cran closed the series with a rather fitting piece of work entitled 2010 Handbook for Entering Canada.

2010 Handbook for Entering Canada
For Howard White

Are you bring­ing any fruits or veg­eta­bles into Canada?
Have you vis­ited a farm in the last 30 days?
Are you now or have you ever been a mem­ber of a group that dis­agreed with government?
Do you intend to ride the zip line?
Do you approve of prod­uct place­ment in movies?
Do you like my uniform?
Are you bring­ing into Canada any cur­rency and/or mon­e­tary instru­ments of a value totalling CAN$10,000 or more per person?
Have you ever assaulted a police offi­cer with a stapler?
In describ­ing my uni­form, would you say that it a) inspires respect or b) breeds contempt?
Have you ever dreamed of shoot­ing a fas­cist dic­ta­tor off a Spanish balcony?
Do you approve of John Furlong?
Can you give me an exam­ple of the words in your head and how they might be used while in Canada?

Do you vote?
Are you now or have you ever been a per­son who car­ries MasterCard?
Were you aware of the Oka upris­ing, and if so, whose side were you on?
Remind me again about the zip line.
Do you read poetry?
Do you believe in home­less­ness as a right of the people?
If you were Canadian, and if it were pos­si­ble to do so, would you vote for John Furlong?
Does the colour of your socks match the colour of your pants?
Do your chil­dren own an effigy, stuffed or oth­er­wise, of the Olympic mascot?
Our pre­mier rode the zip line. Did you see that? It looks awesome.
Please arrange the fol­low­ing terms in order of pref­er­ence, start­ing with the least impor­tant: Health Care, Education, the Environment, Homelessness, Logo Placement at Sporting Events.

Do you now or have you ever owned a copy of Raffi’s Baby Beluga?
Do you own a cell phone?
Are you car­ry­ing any printed mat­ter that illus­trates same-sex love?
Are you bring­ing into Canada any firearms or other weapons?
Did you know that each year, more Canadians trust RBC Royal Bank® for their mort­gage solu­tions than any other provider?
What is the total mon­e­tary value of the goods you will be leav­ing in Canada?
Let’s go back to my uni­form for a minute, you gotta admit it’s pretty fuck­ing awesome.

Do you or have you ever lis­tened to Democracy Now?
Can you fin­ish the fol­low­ing sen­tence? Baby bel­uga in the deep blue ______________.
What colour is your heart?
Do you believe in global warming?
Have you ever pur­chased No Name brand prod­ucts? You know, the ugly yel­low ones?
If while in Canada you were tasered, would you be upset or go into car­diac arrest?
Do you sup­port an inter­na­tional unelected and roam­ing fourth tier of gov­ern­ment as set out by a non-existent char­ter of the IOC?

If your gov­ern­ment acted against the prin­ci­ples of democ­racy, would you be com­pelled to action or would you just tell yourfriends you are miffed?
Do you ever expe­ri­ence emo­tions stronger than miffment?
If some­one you knew spoke up against your gov­ern­ment, would you a) lis­ten or b) think that was a lit­tle weird?
Which of the fol­low­ing does not fit? Osama bin Laden, Louis Riel, Chris Shaw, Gordon Campbell.
When asked, will you keep the flow of traf­fic mov­ing smoothly?
How long will you be staying?

No comments:

Related Posts with Thumbnails