Hit the Iron Bell

Move over Dan Savage (of Savage Love). A soon to be unveiled author currently writing as 'Sugar' for The Rumpus has been providing insightful, witty and often brilliant advice in response to reader emails. His/Her identity will be unveiled next Tuesday on February 14th. One of my favourite pieces to date is #41: Like an Iron Bell. After reading this a few weeks ago i thought to myself 'Yes, yes, a hundred times yes'. I've picked out some of the highlights below but the full column is worth reading.

Dear Johnny,
The last word my mother ever said to me was love. She was so sick and weak and out of her head she couldn't muster the “I” or the “you,” but it didn't matter. That puny word has the power to stand on its own...My mother’s last word to me clanks inside me like an iron bell that someone beats at dinnertime: love, love, love, love, love.


I suppose you think this has nothing to do with your question, Johnny, but it has everything to do with my answer. It has everything to do with every answer I have ever given to anyone. It’s Sugar’s genesis story. And it’s the thing my mind kept swirling back to over these five weeks since you wrote to me and said you didn't know the definition of love...The best thing you can possibly do with your life is to tackle the motherfucking shit out of it. 


Do you realize that your refusal to utter the word love to your lover has created a force field all its own? Withholding distorts reality. It makes the people who do the withholding ugly and small-hearted. It makes the people from whom things are withheld crazy and desperate and incapable of knowing what they actually feel.


So release yourself from that. Don’t be strategic or coy. Strategic and coy are for jackasses. Be brave. Be authentic. Practice saying the word love to the people you love so when it matters the most to say it, you will.


We’re all going to die, Johnny. 
Hit the iron bell like it’s dinnertime.
Yours,
Sugar

To read the full letter and response (and to find more 'Dear Sugar') click here



Bell Image: PrindleStation

It Gets Better Project

The recently launched 'It Gets Better' project is just one of the many reasons why i love Dan Savage. For those of you who are not familiar with his work, Savage is an American author, journalist and editor who is known for writing 'Savage Love', an internationally syndicated advice column. Not one to sugar coat his words, Savage deals out straight forward and often humorous advice regarding reader queries in matters of relationships and sex.

The 'It Gets Better' project consists of a newly created YouTube channel which allows gay, lesbian, bi or trans people the opportunity to tell their story in the hope of reaching out to kids or teenagers who may be experiencing hard times as a result of their orientation

In his own words:

"I've launched a channel on YouTube to host these videos. My normally camera-shy husband and I already posted one. We both went to Christian schools and we were both bullied—he had it a lot worse than I did—and we are living proof that it gets better. We don't dwell too much on the past. Instead, we talk mostly about all the meaningful things in our lives now—our families, our friends (gay and straight), the places we've gone and things we've experienced—that we would've missed out on if we'd killed ourselves then.

If you're gay or lesbian or bi or trans, and you've ever read about a kid like Billy Lucas and thought, "Fuck, I wish I could've told him that it gets better," this is your chance. We can't help Billy, but there are lots of other Billy's out there—other despairing LGBT kids who are being bullied and harassed, kids who don't think they have a future—and we can help them....

Today we have the power to give these kids hope. We have the tools to reach out to them and tell our stories and let them know that it does get better. Online support groups are great, GLSEN does amazing work, the Trevor Project is invaluable. But many LGBT youth can't picture what their lives might be like as openly gay adults. They can't imagine a future for themselves. So let's show them what our lives are like, let's show them what the future may hold in store for them."

To find out more about the project:

http://www.youtube.com/itgetsbetterproject

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove