Every Wedsneday night for the past month, a building on West Hastings St across from the refurbished Woodwards Building has played host to a wonderful series.The W2 Real Vancouver Writers Series,which was organised by Sean Cranbury and others has showcased writers, publishers and creative literary artists.
I had the pleasure and privilege of attending all four nights and as a result have been exposed to some phenominal work. Each night showcased local writers doing short readings of their work, book sales, signings, a multi-media component, music, cash bar and a weekly raffle. Last night was the final night in the series which featured luminaries such as writer and journalist Leilah Nadir, poet Weldon Gardner Hunter, artist Michael Nicoll Yahgulanaas, writer Timothy Taylor and Vancouver Poet Laureate Brad Cran. Cran closed the series with a rather fitting piece of work entitled 2010 Handbook for Entering Canada.
2010 Handbook for Entering Canada
For Howard White
Are you bringing any fruits or vegetables into Canada?
Have you visited a farm in the last 30 days?
Are you now or have you ever been a member of a group that disagreed with government?
Do you intend to ride the zip line?
Do you approve of product placement in movies?
Do you like my uniform?
Are you bringing into Canada any currency and/or monetary instruments of a value totalling CAN$10,000 or more per person?
Have you ever assaulted a police officer with a stapler?
In describing my uniform, would you say that it a) inspires respect or b) breeds contempt?
Have you ever dreamed of shooting a fascist dictator off a Spanish balcony?
Do you approve of John Furlong?
Can you give me an example of the words in your head and how they might be used while in Canada?
Do you vote?
Are you now or have you ever been a person who carries MasterCard?
Were you aware of the Oka uprising, and if so, whose side were you on?
Remind me again about the zip line.
Do you read poetry?
Do you believe in homelessness as a right of the people?
If you were Canadian, and if it were possible to do so, would you vote for John Furlong?
Does the colour of your socks match the colour of your pants?
Do your children own an effigy, stuffed or otherwise, of the Olympic mascot?
Our premier rode the zip line. Did you see that? It looks awesome.
Please arrange the following terms in order of preference, starting with the least important: Health Care, Education, the Environment, Homelessness, Logo Placement at Sporting Events.
Do you now or have you ever owned a copy of Raffi’s Baby Beluga?
Do you own a cell phone?
Are you carrying any printed matter that illustrates same-sex love?
Are you bringing into Canada any firearms or other weapons?
Did you know that each year, more Canadians trust RBC Royal Bank® for their mortgage solutions than any other provider?
What is the total monetary value of the goods you will be leaving in Canada?
Let’s go back to my uniform for a minute, you gotta admit it’s pretty fucking awesome.
Do you or have you ever listened to Democracy Now?
Can you finish the following sentence? Baby beluga in the deep blue ______________.
What colour is your heart?
Do you believe in global warming?
Have you ever purchased No Name brand products? You know, the ugly yellow ones?
If while in Canada you were tasered, would you be upset or go into cardiac arrest?
Do you support an international unelected and roaming fourth tier of government as set out by a non-existent charter of the IOC?
If your government acted against the principles of democracy, would you be compelled to action or would you just tell yourfriends you are miffed?
Do you ever experience emotions stronger than miffment?
If someone you knew spoke up against your government, would you a) listen or b) think that was a little weird?
Which of the following does not fit? Osama bin Laden, Louis Riel, Chris Shaw, Gordon Campbell.
When asked, will you keep the flow of traffic moving smoothly?
How long will you be staying?
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